Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's top comedians used their evening mocking former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa program, called the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday jingle directed at the president. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... ruins each thing he touches."

The subject was the controversial plan that permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"A quick note here to affluent applicants: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also meant to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with significant costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted oddly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.