How to Speak Dating Like a Gen Z: 51 Ultra-Specific Phrases for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the words this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic display.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {